Since I last wrote...

a lot has happened

Hey! I hope you are going along great. Last time I wrote, I was one week post-PCL surgery. If you missed that, you can catch up on it here. A LOT has happened since I last wrote. In the world of short attention spans, what I am going to cover is way too much for one post but I am going to write it all in one anyway.

I have been thinking about writing this post for some time. Writing has always helped me frame my thoughts and take my reflections below the surface level, so honestly, this post is as much for me as it is to give you an update on what has been going on. To help you navigate it, I will give each key life area a heading so you can skip scroll past the areas you don’t want to read until you get to the next section. I appreciate reading about my PCL surgery recovery is not of interest to everyone!

PCL Reconstruction Recovery

Prior to surgery, I was so focused on when I would be able to run (they said it would be at least 4-6 months), that I completely overlooked a key step in the recovery process - learning to walk properly again.

With the PCL reconstruction, the torn PCL is removed, and in my case, I had an artificial ligament threaded through in place of my torn PCL. The knee area was swollen and painful after surgery. The constant pain went after a few days but pain from moving the knee in certain positions was pretty extreme.

I had those forearm crutches to aid in walking, but was advised to try and put pressure through my right leg and not keep it elevated off the ground. I used the crutches solidly for two weeks, then my physio wanted me to go to one and try to walk with a normal gait. It was like I had forgotten how to walk. My knee, muscles, and brain all needed time to sync up again. Prior to surgery, I was walking to protect my sore knee, keeping it pretty stiff, so I was having to undo some bad habits.

At my next physio visit, he had to show me how to walk with bending my knee — I was keeping my leg stiff, which of course is not at all how you walk. My physio had me back in the gym a week post surgery working on strengthening all the muscles in my legs, especially the quads and calves. Getting my leg to perfom a full range of motion was often painful and I had pain scale that I was to work within.

I couldn’t drive for six weeks so had to rely on others to get me to the gym for my rehab sessions. Our second eldest was amazing. He would get up 10 minutes earlier than he needed to drop me off at my gym, then go to his. Phil would then come and pick me up. There were many gym sessions where I would want to cry. Cry because the exercises were hard. Cry because improvement seemed so slow. Cry because I wondered if I would ever walk properly again, let alone run.

Here is an entry from my journal on 2nd January 2025, just shy of two months post surgery:

The recovery process is tiring. Progress is so tiny you have to look hard to see it. The gym rehab sessions are physically and mentally exhausting. So many times I feel like giving up or crying - especially on the prone hamstring curls.

I haven’t given up.

I haven’t missed one strength rehab session with the exception of when Pocket died.

I know it will get better - I have to be patient.

The rehab sessions at the gym were taking me one hour and 45 mins three times a week. It was a lot, but they were working. A couple of weeks later, I came to the realisation that I needed to change my mindset. This was from 17th January 2025:

Today was the first strength rehab session in over a week where I haven’t felt like crying. I realised I was feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on all the things I couldn’t do or found hard. I decided to change my attitude and I would no longer complain about my rehab. I had put myself in a doom cycle.

It didn’t mean I loved the session and the split squats were still really hard but I had a mantra for the session “hard is good” to flip the way I was seeing the hard work.

For each session from this point on, I would go into the gym with a little mantra - something to repeat to myself when it was feeling hard. When running is hard, you know you will have this amazing feeling at the end - the runner’s high. There was no “rehab session” high, but I kept reminding myself that this was the only way back! My physio had strict parameters on my strength before he would let me return to running. If I wanted to run, I had to hit those targets.

By mid February, walking began to feel more natural, and I didn’t have to think about it all the time. It would still be another three months before I would finally start running again, but that day finally came at the start of May. This was now phase two of my recovery - building back my running.

New York City Marathon

I ran Canberra Marathon in April 2024. It was a qualifying race for the 2025 AbbottWMM MTT Age Group World Championships (AGWC). I made the qualifying time for my age group and it was a matter of finding out where the (AGWC) would be and if my time was fast enough to gain me a spot. Towards the end of 2024 they announced it was going to be at the New York City Marathon - a marathon on my dream list of marathons to do.

Both my surgeon and my physio felt that a marathon at the start of November would be doable and we work towards that if I was lucky enough to secure a spot. Mid January I was offered a spot, and I had one week to take up the place. Here is my journal entry from the last day before the offer closed:

Today I registered for the NYC Marathon. So scary signing up to a marathon when you are still having to think about walking, going up and down stairs etc. I do feel that I am getting much stronger. The rehab strength exercises at the gym, as much as I hate them, are making me stronger. Sometimes you just have to back yourself and have faith in the process.

I still have numbness (around the knee).

I still can’t slide my right leg back as far as my left.

I still have pain going downstairs.

I still worry if I will ever run again.

But when I push away the worry and focus on the process and the tiny steps of progress I have made already, I know I can get there.

A Career Change

While all of the above was happening, I was working two days a week in an admin role at a small family accountancy firm. This was a placeholder until I could determine what I wanted to do post Adapt Drinks. I wrote about the process I used to help me with this decision in my last update. My decision was to move into an area I love - fitness. I thought I could use the additional downtime while recovering from my PCL surgery to study a Cert III and Cert IV in Fitness. The end goal was to become a qualified personal trainer.

I signed up with Women’s Fitness Education because it was 100% online and I knew one of the amazing founders, Mish Wright. Mish has a great philosophy towards fitness, and the Cert III and IV came with additional courses specialising in women’s fitness, which is where I would like to specialise, so it was a perfect fit for me.

I studied through November and December, then took January off. I completed my Cert III in April and started teaching a group fitness class at a gym once a week. At the end of June, I completed my Cert IV, and this week I started doing personal training at the gym. I am so excited for this next step!

Varicose Veins

By mid June, I had been back running around 8 weeks and was joining in for part of the group long run, running up to 80mins. I had been noticing some discomfort behind and around the side of my left knee (not the knee I had the PCL surgery on) post running on the drive home. The strange thing was that the pain was much worse at night in bed - it was waking me up multiple times at night. I would get up, shake the leg out, do some calf raises, go back to bed and try to get back to sleep.

At my annual check up with my GP, I discussed this with her and my thoughts that it was my varicose veins. She agreed and sent me off for an ultrasound that day. Usually, when I have had ultrasounds before they just send you on your way when they have finished and email the report to the doctor. This time it was different.

The sonographer advised that I had a significant sized clot and I needed to see my doctor as soon as possible. Since then, it feels like I have had medical appointments, blood tests or ultrasounds on a weekly basis!

It turned out I had several clots, the biggest was 45mm and while it was only in the superficial vein, it was very close to the deep vein and had been travelling up my leg. I was put on blood thinners straight away and discussed longer term options with my GP. I sought out a vein speciliast and she wrote up her recommended treatment plan for me. I felt that this was the best course of action. The issue was however that while the procedure is done in a clinic and I would be able to get up and walk straight away after the sessions, I would not be able to run for four weeks. I would only be able to walk (daily walking strongly encouraged) and I would not even be able to do any upper body workouts, yoga or sauna.

If I was to undergo the treatment, then the New York City Marathon would be off the schedule. The tiniest part of me rallied against this but the reality was I felt very lucky to have caught the clotting issues before anything more serious than some pain happened. I had my PCL surgery so I could keep running for another 20 years. I will run New York City Marathon another year.

My Dad

Around the time I made the decision to have my veins treated, my dad died suddenly on July 9. He was 80 and had some health issues but none of us saw this coming. He had a chair in the lounge room where he liked to take an afternoon nap each day. On this day he went to sleep and never woke up.

My dad lived in Mildura where I grew up and I did the long drive back home with my younger sister as soon as we could. We have driven the Calder Highway many, many times but I think this felt like the longest of drives.

We gave my dad a beautiful send off. My mum is the Catholic in the family and dad did not want a church service. The funeral directors had a beautiful on site chapel so we had the service there. Each of the four daughters and all the grandchildren could speak if they wanted to. Two of my sisters spoke and many of the grandchildren including two of my kids spoke. Everyone who didn’t speak had a part in the service as well. The eldest six male grandchildren carried the coffin out of the chapel. Poppy would have been so proud of all his grandchildren and how they carried themselves on that day.

I am still getting used to dad not being around anymore. I have been back to Mildura already and while I know it is real, it still hasn’t really sunk in. His passing has left a huge void.

The below song is from a playlist we created for my Dad’s wake. Everyone could add songs that they new Dad/Poppy liked. The song below was added by my kids as a song they thought Poppy would love. We had planned to introduce Poppy to Zach Bryan at Christmas time.

Mildura has the most beautiful Pink Skies you will find anywhere. (The photo at the top of this very long letter doesn’t really do the Mildura sky justice, but you can get the idea). This song is just so fitting. I listen to it almost every day. Some days I cry. Some days I smile, remembering sitting outside with my dad looking at the pink skies.

The Running Rebuild - Take 2

On Friday 22nd August I received the all clear from my speciliast to return to running. I have seen my physio again to see where I am at with the strength in my legs. I have a little work to do but that can happen along side me getting back running. Mid September it will be a year since I fell over and tore my PCL. What a rollercoaster it has been.

Today I went for a run with Phil. It was super windy, it rained at times but I loved every moment. While I do want to run another marathon and run another fast (for me) 5km, for now I am just so happy to be able to run again regardless of how unfit I feel!

The Kids

We only have three kids at home now. The second eldest moved out mid December. I am still adjusting to this. I listened to this podcast last year and think it covers the feeling of kids leaving home pretty well. You are so happy for them, you know developmentally it is important for them to do it but you still miss them a lot.

Our daughter is in her last year of university and I cannot wait to see what she does next. Our second youngest started uni this year and has adapted super well to uni life. He loves nothing more than a gym session at midnight 🫣. That then leaves us with just one child at school in year 11. If you have been with me since I started online back in 2008 - he wasn’t even born then!

I will write more later about how it feels having only three kids at home as this post is already of epic length!

My Revised Goal For 2025

With so much happening this year, it is the first time that I have changed my goal mid year. You can find my revised goal here. As I write in that post, I am committing to come back at the start of each month to review how I am tracking against my goal, share some learnings and some strategies I am implementing to keep me progressing with my goal. And I do feel an urge to do more writing, so hopefully, I will write something in between these goal updates too 😊 .

If you feel that is not for you, there is always an unsubscribe button at the end of each letter you can use and there will be no hard feelings. There are so many newsletters out there and we only have so much time to read them!

What about you?

If you are keen to stick around, I would love to hear how you are going? What has been happening with you? If you are reading via email, click through to the post and comment below.

If you have made it to the end here - congrats! That is a lot of reading and I appreicate you taking the time to read it all. Nic xx